To put it plainly, when two people first meet, everyone shows their best side. Don’t rush to make the relationship official. First, take your time and see her character, her daily habits, and the kind of people she keeps around her. Does she have tattoos? Does she drink, smoke, or gamble? Is she carrying any debt? What does she usually post on social media? Does she have a lot of male friends? These are things you have to watch for yourself over time. You can’t just go by what she says.
I learned that the hard way myself. At the beginning, she seemed pretty good. But once we actually started living a real life together, I found out she didn’t really know how to cook. Clothes went into the washing machine, and even the dishes were washed by family at home. A lot of things don’t show up while you’re dating. Only when you live together and start dealing with rent, food, and everyday expenses do you find out whether you’re really the same kind of person. Anyone who has lived in a rented room around here knows this: it’s no use hearing someone say they know how to run a household. Better to look at how they actually live.
Another big issue is boundaries with the opposite sex. She had a lot of male friends and would often video call them until 2am. I argued with her many times over that. It’s not that she can’t have friends, but you need to be clear about boundaries. Out on the street at night, with motorbike exhaust drifting through the air, the worst thing when you come back to your room isn’t being poor. It’s that constant doubt in your heart. You can’t live steadily like that.
At the start, don’t be too generous either, and especially don’t rush to spend big money. I bought her an Apple phone worth more than 10,000 yuan, and a gold chain that cost 12,000 yuan. Then after she came to China for three months, she suddenly said there was some urgent matter in Vietnam. She never clearly said what it was. In the end, I still let her go back. Spending money is easy. Once the person leaves, that’s when all the problems start coming out.
After she went back, I realized even her family couldn’t control her. She had already gone out to work at 14, knew a lot of men, and had a very outgoing personality. Later on, whether she asks you for money because she says she’s sick or gives some other reason, you have to judge it for yourself. Don’t keep putting money in again and again just because you’re afraid of losing her. Feelings are feelings, but you still need to keep half your mind clear.
Of course, Vietnam has good girls too. You can’t judge everyone the same way. The key is still to see the person clearly. Don’t make the dating period too short. Friend circle, daily habits, real situation—whatever you can understand in advance, understand it early. Otherwise a lot of things may not seem like a big deal at the time, but after marriage, you realize there’s no way to avoid any of them.
